Will you embrace all of you?

A very wise woman told me the other day that I need to embrace my darkness. I was taken aback. Confused, displeased. If you know me well, you know I am a big believer of spreading positivity and spreading "the light" so to speak. I have been in recovery from my darkness for the last 3.5 years. I was a severe drug addict who traveled to the outer most edges of a dark universe. I thought I was lost forever, I couldn't fathom ever being able to return to the realm of the living.

Then I did. After I got sober and found spirituality, and the power it provides in my life, I became hooked on that. I started to see how thinking and believing in goodness, would push me into more light, and into more abundance than i thought was possible for someone like me. I was sold on these concepts early on. All of the abundance movements fascinate me. The secret, The law of attraction, Self-actualization. I want all of it. I have been living in these ideals and spreading them to my fellows as best as possible.

This wise woman then began explaining to me how she used her darkness to cultivate a new, and different form of power in her life. I listened. She explained how we all have a deep darkness inside of us. I do not struggle with accepting that, I know I was born with it inside me. It has been there since I was a little girl, I could feel it. She said that as humans, especially in recovery, and especially after making breakthroughs, we are afraid to tap into that power. We are afraid to fall back into the darkness that once devastated our life so savagely.

It hit me in the middle of my chest, deep from within. I slowly wrapped my head, and my feelings, around what she was saying to me. I am terrified of revisiting my darkness. I am terrified to even recognize that it still exists! As much as I want to cover up my dark side with smiles, and laughter, and growth, the darkness continues to live in a small corner of my soul. Until now, I could not understand why it has not left me?

This woman explained the darkness holds our inner most desires, it hold all our inhibitions, and with them, holds an abundance of power. Most people spend our whole lives shying away from it, hiding from it, and ignoring it. We do this because the fear of returning to the source of our pain and sorrow is more powerful than the benefits we think we can gain from it. The problem therein lies in our minds and the lies it is creating.

Our mind would rather "protect" us from our "dangerous fears" and hinder the power available through the darkness. For example, there are many goals and dreams I have for my life. There are some that seem possible and that I am not afraid to go after. Like school, and seeking my education. There are others that seem scary and impossible. Such as creating my own business, and taking control of my livelihood.

This is where my darkness hold a great deal of power. The person who I was before my recovery was driven and unstoppable. That person would walk five miles, barefoot, in a blizzard to get what she wanted, to get what she needed. The person I am today, would rather convince herself that it is dangerous out in the blizzard, and it is better to stay warmly protected until it passes.

There is no growth in waiting. There is no growth in safety. The growth happens when we can push ourselves to our furthest limits. Tapping into the life force hidden in our darkness will help us reach those limits. These are the limits we are too fearful to go after. But there was a time in all of our lives where we were fearless and relentless. Although, my fearlessness was used for destruction and terror, I now hold the power to use it for goodness and prosperity. We all hold that same power.

That same power that once drove me to the edges of darkness will now drive me to the edges of the light. My next step is learning how to tap into the dark power without compromising the light in my life. I have worked hard to travel the path of spiritual happiness, and do not feel the need to give that up. As I delve into the self-discovery of darkness, I will share more of my findings, and the results I get from this new power source.

#darknesspositivityselfloveselfmotivation