Stop Should-ing

Are you consuming mental "SHOULD-ing" poison? Chances are likely that you are! I should go to the gym today. I should be making more money. I should have been nicer to Tom. I should be losing weight. I should be saving money. I should be more put together. The way we talk to ourselves has a tremendous impact on our mental wellness. If we start to document the things we actually say to ourselves in our heads, it can become clear that much of our self-talk is less than positive. Quite often our own voices can be harsh and full of judgement against ourselves. Negative self talk is something than can become deeply ingrained in us starting form a young age. Sometimes the negative things we are told as children, stick with us and are projected through our subconscious into our adult lives. Sometimes the messages we see on television, reflect back to us in the same manner. We become so accustomed to our mind thinking a certain way, that eventually it becomes the norm for us. Well it does not need to be that way forever. Self talk is critical to our overall well being and we have the choice to develop it daily. What the mind tells the body, the body believes. Similarly, what the mind tells our spirits, the spirit believes. We want our mind, body, and spirit to be in alignment as best as possible so we can each operate at optimum levels. Self talk is intertwined with our self esteem, our self-worth, and our self awareness. This is a topic we will discuss more deeply in another post. For now, we can all start by taking baby steps to improve our self talk: 1- Step One: Take note of what you are saying to yourself. Literally. Create a "note" in your phone just for the day. Every time you have a negative thought about yourself, or about your surroundings, or about your situation, type it down! ( I hate the way my hair looks today, I have an ugly house, this line is too long, my girlfriend talks too much, etc., etc) Whatever the thought may be, if it is not uplifting, keep track of it. Just for one day, once you have gathered some data, move to step 2. 2- Step Two: "Add 2 Replace". Replace every negative thought with TWO positive thoughts to follow. Ex: I have so much homework, I will never have time to finish all of this. Replace- I am fortunate to be in school and have the gift of learning. I am a smart person and always do the best I can. These exercises might seem trivial to some people, but to others of us it can be a huge struggle to learn how to redirect our thinking. If this is not an issue for you, skip to step 3! (this is an area where we can all improve!) 3- Step Three: SHOULD vs. COULD. Take your power back. Should-ing is something we all do all too often. Should, can actually have a negative connotation that we can all become unaware of. You can notice the empowerment when you say you "could" do something- instead of "should" do something. I could go to the gym. I could lose weight. I could be making more money. I could be nicer to Tom. I could be saving money. I could be more put together. Saying "could" gives you the power of choice. Instead of feeling like you have to do something, the words put you in the position to make a decision. Your mind will feel more empowered to make a good decision instead of a not so good decision! Saying "could" will also steer your mind into thinking about "how." I could lose weight...how? I could be making more money...how? I could be nicer to Tom...how? When we give ourselves the option to choose we are more aware of the possibilities of exploring the better choice for ourselves. Perhaps the most important thing to remember is this is an exercise for your brain and psyche, just like doing a bench press at the gym is an exercise for your body. One day at the bench press will not have any long term effect, but 90 days at the bench press most certainly will. Exercising our mental wellness is the same concept. Trying these exercises for 90 days will have a powerful impact on our mental state, but we have to be constant and remain engaged! Again, challenge yourself!! Stay away from "should-ing". Tell your friends and family about "should-ing". Enforce a family or office rule, to have a "should-free" environment, and see your mental wellness start to change!